Chris
Its great that you write….I do too.
For any venture to succeed it must be balanced. None of us or our friends would buy a book if it were just about a certain race or gender…..
We hope your book is balanced and addresses the “double standards” men experience everyday too.
For instance at work we are told to expect women to be equals…..yet if we suggest getting together with a woman, she usually expects us to pay….its a double standard is it not? Its also sexist. Overwhelmingly, women still look for the free meal ticket. (presumably an acknowledgement of being the weaker sex and in need of a subsidy).
Women need to start by themselves setting the higher standard.
There are many instances like the one above that women start – these initial get-to-know-you “double standards” lead to an expectation of double standards as a relationship progresses.
Best wishes,
Steve, John and Linda
Tell me something, Steve: how often do you get approached by strange women and have to hear things like this:
See gif “@flyoverland84: @ATWYSingle is that you? Nice breasts. Glad you realize what your main attractive trait is” pic.twitter.com/nrpdPpl0kY
— ATWYSingle ® (@ATWYSingle) April 26, 2015
How often is your value determined by your weight or your age? How often are you threatened with death or rape for speaking out against something? When you walk around, are you afraid you’ll be assaulted? Go ahead. Marinate on that. I’ll sit here and wait for you to compile a list of all the ways you are marginalized and discriminated against and judges bashed on nothing but your external features and attributes. Got a number yet, Steve?
I don’t mean to suggest that men don’t suffer similar harsh criticisms. Yeah, men are often judged by how much they make, and that’s another double standard. I’ll beat you to the punch on that one. And, yes, short guys do get the shaft pretty often because a lot of women want to omigawd wear heels. (Whatever with that one.) But strictly being white and male affords you far more status than you apparently realize. I’m sure if you were to turn to men of color and ask them what double standards bother them the most, the ones related to dating would be way down on their list.
I’m not suggesting that men should just suck it up and pay the bill, either. You guys are stuck between a rock and a hard place on that one. Pay and set a precedent that you’ll always pay or don’t pay and be considered cheap. You are not given the freedom to stand up for yourself on this one. Well, you are, but most of you don’t take it because you know it won’t end well for you. It’s unfair and it’s antiquated and needs to stop. A lot of women need to get the hell over this whole expectation, put their money with their mouths are, and start forking over some cash.
What I am saying is that you (white) guys are hardly in need of a voice. Also, do yourself a favor and don’t make sweeping generalizations about all women. That weakens your argument further. No, we’re not all out for a free meal. Yes, plenty of us have no problem paying our way. Stop lumping us all together.
For the record, I absolutely call out bad female behavior in my book. I read yet another Chick Lit novel yesterday that had me cringing at how women were depicted as shallow, bitchy, competitive, and obsessed with men. I had women who read the excerpts say things like, “Um, maybe you should change this scene so it’s no so polarizing? ” Um, no. I won’t do that. I didn’t get where I am today as a blogger/writer by catering to that nonsense. Boo hoo, sometimes women behave badly, too. Sorry, Frisky and xoJane writers who constantly accuse people of being jealous and miserable if they leave critical comments on their posts or like to believe those commenters enjoy tearing other women down. No, that’s not it. Speaking for myself, I sometimes leave critical comments on your questionable writing because I’m tired of seeing women portrayed as irrational and unstable broken dolls who lack self-awareness, display critically bad judgment and not an ounce of accountability, and are unable to formulate a cohesive or logical argument. I’m allowed to find that offensive and believe it makes other women look bad. Maybe you’re the ones threatened by other women and not the other way around.
Anywhoo….Steve, I do understand. I just think maybe you should check yourself a bit before you write condescending emails like this. In the grand scheme of things, you boys do okay.
