Raise your hand if you think that men should still pay for dates. (Don’t worry, I’m going to tell you why). pic.twitter.com/ytoWfwTwXf
— James Michael Sama (@JamesMSama) September 8, 2017
I’ve said time and again that I think dating coaches are a joke and a half and that nobody should pay them, and this is why. What sort of Victorian era bullshit is this? In what world does make an effort = spend a lot of money? And how is amount of money spent an indication of the man’s character? Any guy with money to burn or who is super desperate to get laid will fork over coin to get into a woman’s pants.
Why is this guy encouraging women (and you know that’s his base) to expect men to pay OTHER THAN it plays right into the women’s sense of entitlement? He’s pandering to his audience so they’ll like him and pay him. Full stop. I can’t even with his “cost of maintenance” fallacy. As I said my combative responses to him, cost of maintenance is not a fixed cost, meaning it’s not required. If I want to get a blow-out or manicure before a date, that’s my choice. I would never expect to be reimbursed for something I chose to do on my own. What he’s failing to acknowledge is that those tiny expenditures can actually be re-purposed, thereby providing the woman with a return on investment. If a guy blows a hundred dollars on a date and she’s not into him, that’s money he’s never going to see again. (And PS? Most straight men don’t notice your gel manicure or threaded eyebrows with the perfectly sculpted arch.) It’s high time we stopped assessing someone’s worth based on a credit score or bank account. Shit happens. If you don’t understand that, then your world view is breathtakingly limited.
My contempt for this turd isn’t about not wanting to see women be treated respectfully. It’s about how he’s perpetuating gender roles and stereotypes. This guy is blissfully unaware that he actually has his own sexist ideas about women. Clearly, he believes women should show up to a date looking a certain way. That’s their “contribution” because god knows he’s not there for her personality or intelligence, amirite? 
He thinks women should be courted, because apparently he was Mr. Darcy in a past life. I don’t doubt there are women who want the red carpet rolled out for them on first dates, but what more and more women hope for is to be treated as an equal. Don’t leer at us or talk about our bodies. Don’t try to buy our affections. Don’t try to get us drunk because you’re too pathetic to get laid any other way. Ask us about our interests and don’t dominate the conversation. Say what you mean. Be reasonably honest. (Yes, I said reasonably. Everybody lies. Get over it.)
All that said, the sad truth is that most guys will pay because they know it’s expected of them to do so. We’ve been groomed to believe that men are supposed to pay for us in order to prove their value and stability and we’re just supposed to show up looking hot. It’s going to be a long time before we shed that expectation, so for now most men play it safe and pay so they don’t get labeled a cheapskate. It just makes things easier, but that doesn’t mean women shouldn’t contribute. I’m not going to repeat myself on that point. Offer to pay your goddamn share. You want equal pay? Then you need to contribute equally. End of story.
1. No. No no no. Cost of maintenance is not a thing. Thats her choice, not a fixed cost. She’ll get ROI from the blowout or manicure. https://t.co/obevlmTNHc
— Christan Marashio (@ATWYSingle) September 8, 2017
4. Stop perpetuating these bullshit antiquated “rules” that do nothing but enable the idea that the two people on date arent equal.
— Christan Marashio (@ATWYSingle) September 8, 2017
Huh? I have spent years and written hundreds of articles saying we ARE equal. Your perception of my message is severely mistaken. https://t.co/OJuK1hIQum
— James Michael Sama (@JamesMSama) September 8, 2017
Years and hundreds of articles, you say? Bitch, hold my beer.
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